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Returned to Sender

I watch you move with catlike grace

An eager longing on my face

Your eyes take note, and beckon hither

Obedient, to you I slither

A brush, surrendered to my care

Is woven, breathless, through your hair

I’m powerless to overcome

I knead you til my fingers numb


I need you as my heartache sighs

And feed you til my blood takes rise

I fulfill your every inclination

You welcome absolute prostration

But fail to match desire most yearned

Three desperate words, not yet returned

Whispered with an offered hand

Are met with but a smirk, “Yes, and...?”





LJI WEEK 8:
YES AND

Comments

( 28 comments — Leave a comment )
similiesslip
May. 8th, 2014 03:37 am (UTC)
I really love this. I love how fresh and unique the vocabulary is in this poem :)

Very well done!
mamas_minion
May. 8th, 2014 06:56 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I wanted to see if I could pull off a decent lament for this topic.

Edited at 2014-05-08 07:33 pm (UTC)
eternal_ot
May. 8th, 2014 11:00 am (UTC)
Awesome work! Well done!..:)
mamas_minion
May. 8th, 2014 06:57 pm (UTC)
thanks. I wanted to do poetry this time.
halfshellvenus
May. 8th, 2014 08:28 pm (UTC)
Aw. :( Even if the earlier part of poem didn't show what a slave to the other person's affections the narrator was, the last part was a cruel, cruel blow.

By which I mean, well done, but damn.
mamas_minion
May. 8th, 2014 09:06 pm (UTC)
Thank you
mistearyusdiva2
May. 9th, 2014 09:46 am (UTC)
Quite a different path .... enjoyed it inspite of not being so much of a poetry person :) The end was shockingly realistic of our times !!!
mamas_minion
May. 9th, 2014 01:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
bleodswean
May. 9th, 2014 06:50 pm (UTC)
A very intriguing take on the prompt. The second stanza is strong!
mamas_minion
May. 9th, 2014 07:03 pm (UTC)
Thanks, I like to think outside the box on the topics.
karmasoup
May. 9th, 2014 07:36 pm (UTC)
How cruel! Great job representing the pang of unrequited affection... nice how you made it sneak up on us! It was almost a love sonnet, and then, whoops! Not so much.
mamas_minion
May. 9th, 2014 08:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you, I am glad you got the longing the author has for his subject.
rayaso
May. 10th, 2014 02:19 am (UTC)
Well done! I enjoyed this take on the prompt, but the part I like the best is your use of the minion! Nothing enhances a poem like a great minion.
mamas_minion
May. 12th, 2014 04:23 pm (UTC)
The minion always makes the difference
kathrynrose
May. 10th, 2014 06:00 am (UTC)
::applause::
mamas_minion
May. 12th, 2014 04:23 pm (UTC)
Thank you
kandigurl
May. 10th, 2014 07:34 pm (UTC)
Lovely!
mamas_minion
May. 12th, 2014 04:24 pm (UTC)
Thank you
kagomeshuko
May. 11th, 2014 02:37 am (UTC)
What a sweet poem!
mamas_minion
May. 12th, 2014 04:24 pm (UTC)
Thank you
kajel
May. 11th, 2014 12:40 pm (UTC)
Nicely done.
mamas_minion
May. 12th, 2014 04:22 pm (UTC)
Thank you
whipchick
May. 12th, 2014 06:33 pm (UTC)
Nice use of poetic form - haven't seen a lament around here!
mamas_minion
May. 12th, 2014 08:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you I have wanted to do a lament for awhile and this topic seemed like the perfect time to do one.
roina_arwen
May. 12th, 2014 10:11 pm (UTC)
Very nice!
mamas_minion
May. 13th, 2014 02:55 am (UTC)
Thank you for reading my post
eska818
May. 12th, 2014 10:12 pm (UTC)
This is heartbreakingly lovely. Nice job.
mamas_minion
May. 13th, 2014 02:55 am (UTC)
thank you I am glad you liked it.
( 28 comments — Leave a comment )